Not Quite Here

Been up an hour or more. Elihu awoke feeling a little sick, but I cajoled him into going to school. I reassured him that I was just a phone call away if he felt it was too much. I offered a little Mr. Creosote on You Tube to get him chuckling. His mood was light and his brow didn’t feel hot, so I saw him off on the bus.

I myself have had a summer cold the past few days and today am tired even after a good night’s sleep. I had a very welcome dream this morning, and in my sort of sick, lowered state of energy I buzz through the light of day still very much in the mood of my dream. I dreamt of a boy that I had pined for as an adolescent girl. He, as an adult, along with a boy whom I took to be his son, joined Elihu and me at Christmastime inside a fine home with lovely mill work, darkly lit and with a large, stately Christmas tree in the living room The feeling was gentle, it was one of long-lost friends meeting for the first time as adults, as people. It was surprising; I hadn’t thought but a handful of times of this man in the decades since he exited my life, yet from this darkly lit dream, his quiet and smiling presence carried into my waking day. I am compelled to look him up once more on Facebook and see his face, so that I might confirm the image in my mind. I notice that his children are grown. Are we so old? Ahh, it’s just that I started so late….

I’m a little whistful. I miss having a crush. I miss that feeling of hope, of longing. In my very routine day – a day that will see me doing laundry, paying bills and catching up on the dishes – I will float through these everyday tasks my spirit lifted ever so softly by the happy, hopeful feeling that still lingers from my dream.

2 thoughts on “Not Quite Here

  1. You are a fantastic composer of the writing that you do. You have so much talent as what I remember a musician and as an author. I hope Eli feels better. Ilana

    1. You’re a sweetie Ilana – thanks so much. Eli ended up coming home from school sick.
      Now he’s dancing around like nothing happened and I’m absolutely wiped. ! Funny.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.