Guess I indulged in a bit of old-fashioned self-pity yesterday. Thanks to Jim for so candidly suggesting that perspective. Had me stop and re-assess for a moment. As I said before, I do know things are ok. I’m at a fine place in my life. And I can’t compare my current life to my old one, because it’s an entirely different set of circumstances – and that’s really as it should be. One’s life at 50 shouldn’t look too much like one’s life at 25 – at least not if things are moving along as they should be. And hey – if my life was simply puttering along without a whole lot of new experiences or opportunities to learn, I might be whining for different reasons. ! Very likely I woulda been. Cuz while I crave solitude and a somewhat consistent routine in my daily life, I also need new challenges to keep me intrigued and happy about waking up in the morning. Ok, so maybe this last life-changing round of challenges was a wee bit more than I might have bargained for, but I can’t change it. All I can do is keep going. A sense of humor helps, and so does a mind open to the potential lessons disguised as a crappy situation. Personally, I feel that difficult chapters in your life give you the chance to get some new skills under your metaphoric belt. That might mean learning to identify feelings of guilt and letting them go, learning how to forgive someone a painful transgression, or it might even mean learning to make simple fixes around the house without calling a handyman. Unforeseen situations really do open some interesting doors.
Lest I sound like a proselytizing pitch-man for a series of self-help DVDs – I want to make clear that while I do believe it’s usually wisest to roll with the punches of life and get right back in the ring, there are just some times when the room spins and I see stars, and I don’t have the oomph to get back up. You know, like yesterday. It was the second such day of a low and dark mood, and of course it was natural to me that I write about it. Maybe I sounded a bit too pitiful, but the writing here in this forum is by nature exposed – and very much about the experiences I’m living – while I’m living them. I hope you’ll forgive me if from time to time I lose my good cheer. Certainly we all lose it every now and again. In the wake of my post I heard from old friends, received an amazing and unexpected gift, plus of course there were comments left here, and personal emails too. It’s easy to forget anyone’s ‘out there’, so thanks for reminding me once again that I’m not alone. How blessed I am to have the love and support of friends. I send you all my love right back. If ever you should need my help, please seek me out. I would like to return the favor some day.
Ok, I’m gonna quit my bitchin now. Cuz I know that I got it good. Was lost, but now am found.
The Hillhouse 
Personally, I don’t trust people who are positive all the time. I wonder when the other shoe will drop and if it will drop on me. There is exactly as much dark in the Taoist Yin/Yang symbol as there is light. The Tao Te Ching actually says “Know the Yang side, but keep to the Yin side.” (My translation) Another way to put it would be “Know the light side, but keep to the dark side.” I went to a dance jam once and the DJ apologized for playing a song that wasn’t “positive”. Some people seem to think that if they exclude the negative from their lives, thoughts and works, it will somehow make their lives less negative. I have found the opposite to be true. If I push out the negative, it just builds strength and comes back with a vengeance all at once. Life is a mixture of light and dark. If I want life, dark comes with it. And the sooner I welcome it, the sooner it leaves. Fire away Elizabeth, whatever you’re going through is OK with me. GB