Well, this is a first! On we go… As some readers might not have seen this lively debate, I thought I’d make it into a post of its own… Whew… (Apologies in advance for the formatting issues; WordPress has ‘retired’ my template and so it’s becoming a little wonky.)
Selene Says:January 12, 2016 at 11:35 am e
- Not to start a blog war here, but all of these things that you’re doing that you count as “working” are barely keeping food on the table and heating oil in your tank, so they aren’t working for you and instead of ruminating about the hard life in a blog, that energy would be best spent trying to change this. The real reason I feel is that it’s easier to accept welfare and sit home and hover protectively over your son than it is to get a job and work to make life easier financially for the both of you. That is hard to hear, but it appears to be true. And think about this: If you were a man blogging about these things, people wouldn’t be so kind. He would be told to man-up, grow some balls, stop living off your mother and get a second job if he must. Whatever it takes. And every man that sees this will say “Yeah – I guess she’s right on that one.” But they will never tell you that. And there are a lot of people who read your blog that feel the same way, but they just respond by saying nothing. Also, remember that when you lay yourself bare in such a public fashion, you have to expect that not everyone is going to blow rays of sunshine up your behind. Comes with the territory.I don’t feel you’re a bad person or a bad mother, I just feel that you’re caught up in a pity-party that you can’t seem to walk away from. It’s comforting to know so many people feel sorry for you and this makes you feel you’re not alone. I get it. But it’s time to shake it off and take care of business, that’s all I’m saying. I wish you and your son all the best, I really do. I see that in spite of things, you love him desperately and he feels the same about his mom.Reply
wingmother Says:January 14, 2016 at 12:24 am e
- After a long day of ‘not working’, I finally have a moment to respond thoughtfully. If the recent spike in readership is any indication, it seems that people are really entertained by conflict. I hope they also take an interest in conflict resolution! I suppose I should thank you for all this excitement…
- Firstly, I heartily agree with you, as I’d mentioned earlier; this is a public forum, and I can therefore expect a range of responses. Not just from those who choose to ‘blow rays of sunshine up my behind’ (as you so obviously were not). Me, I might have chosen a less hostile way to express that idea, but hey, I get the gist.
- I don’t believe you’re being needlessly mean (although a bit snarky), but I do feel that you’re completely missing the larger picture here: I am working on growing a business which takes time daily; a business which will one day net me the income of a ‘real’ job. If I don’t do this important foundational work – it will never go anywhere. In addition to the paperwork, research and networking that goes on, I still have students daily, plus now have evening classes to teach as well as a musical production to accompany. This, no matter how you may see it, is all ‘real’ work. It all takes hours of preparation. To cease forward movement on The Studio after two years of preparations would be to shoot my future in the foot, so to speak – not to mention neglect my family’s legacy. My days are organized and efficient and very full.
- I spend a lot more time doing laundry and making meals than I do writing! So I’m certainly not blogging all the time. I spend about six hours out of the week writing (wish it could be more!). My time is spent working, teaching, being a mom, and lastly – writing.If you have read more than a post of two of this blog, you’ll know that while I do indeed express my inner doubts, fears and anxieties, on the whole I take the ‘glass half-full’ perspective on things. I try to share the simple joys in my life here. And yes, as a proud mother, I also share the moments with my son that I feel are worth remembering. And it’s also worth recognizing what commenter Gene says: my words are ‘self-selected’, and that alone prevents anyone from knowing the true God’s eye perspective on things. But honestly, I’m pretty much who you see here. And this whole blog is about me journaling my private thoughts in public – so I agree with you, as had I said in my first response, that with greater exposure, I’ll need to develop thicker skin. But it’s all a good, forward-moving process.If I talk about being poor – so be it! It’s what I’m feeling, so I’m talking about it! You don’t have to fret about it. Either say, ‘yeah, I know what that feels like’ – or ‘what a loser, I can’t read any more of her crap’. And then don’t.
Interesting note about the gender flip idea too. I can see how it would present differently. But check this out: My 50 year old brother lives with our mother and has not had a job or relationship in 25 years. But his friends have no problem with that. Nor does my mother, as she continues to enable him. (Of course he doesn’t write publicly about his experience.) If I don’t satisfy your definition of being a responsible, working member of society, I wonder what you’d think of him. At the very least I’m raising a good human being.
At the end of the day, Selene, THAT is the most important job of all. Believe me, I aint smothering this kid – there are many folks who know us well, and who would enthusiastically agree. But what I am doing is providing him a platform from which to soar into this world with confidence, education, good humor and skills – oh, and a great, big heart.
I do appreciate your scrutiny. It’s always good to stop and do a self-check every once in a while. You’ve touched on issues I’ve wrestled with in the past. Personally, I think you’ve overlooked a great deal of nuance, humor and honesty here. I’m sorry to hear that this reads to you like a ‘pity party’, because I’d like to think that my experiences aren’t that different from other folks; what is different is that I’m sharing them in a public forum. I’d think that folks like you, for whom these journal entries are self-sorry entreaties for pity, would simply rather not return. Maybe you are done here, and that’s why you’re speaking your peace. Ok. I heard you – and so did a thousand other folks too. Thanks for your perspective.
(I’m curious to see if you keep reading…!)
- here’s a link to our Facebook page for the Studio. Folks can take a peek at the project as it moves forward….
The Hillhouse 
Sometimes, getting a regular job like everybody else is the easy way out. If you do what everyone else does, you’ll get the same results. Sure, you’ll have a steady income, but you’re at the mercy of your employer, who could end it at any time. If you build your own business, you’re only at the mercy of yourself. When it is up and running and, hopefully, producing more income than a 9-5 job would, you’ll know you made the right choice. There is far greater satisfaction in seeing your own vision come to fruition than any regular job would provide. Regrets in life are more often for what one didn’t do than what one did.
Two quotes come immediately to mind: Shakespeare’s “First to thine own self be true,” and Frost’s, “I took the road less traveled.” I think they both apply here.
It sounds like the Studio project is coming along and may indeed become a viable and profitable business. It’s a noble vision, it’s what you want to do, and it keeps the family legacy going. It may be a struggle right now, but very few people became successful without sacrifice. There may be those who think that if you don’t get up every morning and go to a traditional job that you’re not really working They generally have little or no vision and can’t foresee a future that doesn’t conform to their way of thinking. Whatever they think is of very little relevance to you and barely worthy of response.
Personally, I admire the way you can chronicle your travails and your joys in public. Not everyone is capable of putting their inner self out there like that and not every one of your readers is going to like what you have to say. But, no one is forced to read it and, if they really don’t like what you write, they can always choose not to.
I’d say just keep doing what you’re doing. You’ll be happier in the end.
Thank you so very much for your kindness and support. I want you to know it’s a very helpful energetic boost in this time of future unknowns; you’ve helped me to continue on tomorrow morning with a renewed focus. I deeply appreciate your thoughtful response.
“Blowing rays of sunshine…”, up WHERE? That certainly sounds most uncomfortable, and I wouldn’t recommend it!
You do “put yourself out there” in your writings, so that does make you a target for criticism. I guess the often-used phrase of “that goes with the territory” fits. You express your personal feelings and thoughts about a lot of things in this public site, and I think that you’re doing good here, but you can expect all sorts of reactions, good and bad. Anyway, it’s good to keep on writing.